Nov 27
This was in today’s Sitka Sentinel….
Climate Connection:
Feeling Change: November
By John Lewis
Last column we looked at recovering our capacity to be moved. This month, let us take one step further and look at one way in which we can be moved: caring.
Caring seems to carry a heaviness these days. Sometimes it can provoke guilt or shame as in “you should care more.” Like something is wrong with us for how we feel. Or it is used as some kind of magical invocation. That if only we cared more we would not have the problems that we do.
But caring may be more simple and more difficult. To care is to attend to with head and heart. It is paying attention with our thoughts and our feelings. We are investing our awareness. And like any investment, it takes time.
Though difficult, caring is a basic way of being. We come into this world vulnerable and helpless. Being cared for is how we survive. It is how we have our needs met and learn to relate. This relating allows us to step outside of our own narrow focus and gain a bigger perspective. Our focus gets us out of our own head. And we let something other than us enter our awareness.
The paradox is that, by reaching out to the other, we better know ourselves. In fact we can only get to know ourselves by getting out of our own heads, not by being stuck inside of them. We can direct that compassionate, tender and understanding attention towards our own self. This is the heart of self-care. Not a critical voice in our head beating us up for not doing enough. Or one that stays quiet while we go through motions that may be harming us.
Taking care of ourselves does not mean satisfying our own needs at the expense of others. It means respecting our needs and recognizing that they are often connected to the other. And this may result in some kind of change. But caring is not trying to change or save what we care about so we can feel better. Instead, it is a respect for otherness. A paying attention to the voice and choice of the other.
And that can be one of the most difficult things right now. There is so much trying to capture our attention. And we face many challenges which seem far from our control. But one thing we can control is what we chose to attend to. Whether it’s a straggly spruce on our walk or a lonely friend. Or allowing ourselves to consciously feel a need we have ignored for too long.
When we care, the object of our concern becomes more alive, more real. That which we don’t care about is lifeless, flat and one-dimensional. It does not matter, nor does it have to matter for us.
To care is not so much about what we should or should not do. But rather what kind of world we want to inhabit. One that is flat and lifeless, where we only see things from our own narrow views. Or one that is full of life and wonder. Where what we care for is alive and can surprise us. And maybe there is something magical about that after all.
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John Lewis is a behavioral health professional and a member of the Sitka Citizens Climate Lobby.
